Friday 29 June 2012
Can women "Have it All?"
I
realized I certainly feel like I have "seen it all!,"having been in 2 very
different work cultures before moving on to making my own. I've seen
working single mothers struggle on their own, and other working mothers struggle
despite having family and other help around,
for various reasons. (From foundation-shaking divorces, rebellious kids, unavailable/unwilling parents, MILs who demand their 10-hr-job handling DILs do the family cooking, though they can perfectly well afford a cook, to life-force sucking commutes, incompetent maids and nannies, unavailable spouses to schizophrenic FIL- so there.)
The only way to make it work is by keeping your "All" elastic and adjusting your sails to the wind. The "all" should be a personal choice, made up of what you are willing to give up and what you cannot compromise on, and finding ways to negotiate yourself a better deal...no matter whatever situation you find yourself in. Nothing is ever absolute or constant. Your perceived "all" at 25 has got to be different from your "all" at 35, and 65! Your "all" is YOUR "all," not your best friend's or your cousin's or your high school competitor's or your co-workers. It is the sum of your unique abilities and demons, the customized curve-balls your life has thrown at you. A big chunk of my personal "all" is not just the good experiences but every single bump or hill in the road that has shaped who I am today. There were times when I felt like I had it all, yes, and we know all good things come to an end. So what do you do then? You just pace yourself, but keep going, till you reach the next phase in your life where you have it "all" again. It will be a different all but you will be a different person by then.
Some women in the article said they can't find a role model. Maybe they're not looking in the right place. For that matter, why need a role model? I believe there is something you can learn from every single person you meet in life; man or woman. You can learn things just by shutting out the noise and listening to your own heart. I believe that when you come up against a wall, you find ways to climb over it, dig underneath it, walk parallel to it to find a crack to butt your head against, or if nothing works, set up camp right next to it and enjoy the stay till, perhaps, a break comes from the OTHER side.
Its the same thing, in different words-quoting the article below-
Along the way, women should think about the climb to leadership not in terms of a straight upward slope, but as irregular stair steps, with periodic plateaus (and even dips) when they turn down promotions to remain in a job that works for their family situation; when they leave high-powered jobs and spend a year or two at home on a reduced schedule; or when they step off a conventional professional track to take a consulting position or project-based work for a number of years. I think of these plateaus as “investment intervals.”
The only way to make it work is by keeping your "All" elastic and adjusting your sails to the wind. The "all" should be a personal choice, made up of what you are willing to give up and what you cannot compromise on, and finding ways to negotiate yourself a better deal...no matter whatever situation you find yourself in. Nothing is ever absolute or constant. Your perceived "all" at 25 has got to be different from your "all" at 35, and 65! Your "all" is YOUR "all," not your best friend's or your cousin's or your high school competitor's or your co-workers. It is the sum of your unique abilities and demons, the customized curve-balls your life has thrown at you. A big chunk of my personal "all" is not just the good experiences but every single bump or hill in the road that has shaped who I am today. There were times when I felt like I had it all, yes, and we know all good things come to an end. So what do you do then? You just pace yourself, but keep going, till you reach the next phase in your life where you have it "all" again. It will be a different all but you will be a different person by then.
Some women in the article said they can't find a role model. Maybe they're not looking in the right place. For that matter, why need a role model? I believe there is something you can learn from every single person you meet in life; man or woman. You can learn things just by shutting out the noise and listening to your own heart. I believe that when you come up against a wall, you find ways to climb over it, dig underneath it, walk parallel to it to find a crack to butt your head against, or if nothing works, set up camp right next to it and enjoy the stay till, perhaps, a break comes from the OTHER side.
Its the same thing, in different words-quoting the article below-
Along the way, women should think about the climb to leadership not in terms of a straight upward slope, but as irregular stair steps, with periodic plateaus (and even dips) when they turn down promotions to remain in a job that works for their family situation; when they leave high-powered jobs and spend a year or two at home on a reduced schedule; or when they step off a conventional professional track to take a consulting position or project-based work for a number of years. I think of these plateaus as “investment intervals.”
Saturday 9 June 2012
Who asked you?
I suppose every mom has gone through this one time or another. Meeting some I-barely-know-you person who deems it their birthright to comment on how thin/fat/short/dark/lagging behind your kid is. Often in comparison to their own little darling. And this person is usually another mom. I've rarely come across a dad who says anything like this, either to me or to another dad.
So, the other day, I'd just about reached the end of my rope when a playground mom commented on how thin my daughter is. This after following her around for no reason for some 15 minutes and setting the stage with some observations that she seems to have a temper, she is so talkative, etc etc. I personally believe its not necessary to be nice in situations like this. So when the "small and thin" topic began; I looked this woman in the eye and said,"yes, she's a small, skinny kid and is likely to remain a skinny kid; because, as you can see her mother is petite. Now my brother was one, and so was my sister-in-law. My brother grew up to become a strapping Merchant Marine who pulled 14 hr shifts in the freezing North Atlantic and in the equatorial heat. My SIL is slim and smart and a university topper. And yours truly, at five foot plus nothing, has climbed the Grand Canyon and Havasu Canyon with a 27-pound backpack, Mt. Healy in Alaska and hiked in the hottest place on Earth, Death Valley. And 2 eminent pediatricians have told me there's no reason to worry about my child; who is a normal, happy and active youngster, and SPECIFICALLY TO IGNORE SUCH COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU." Not the response the lady expected, I'm sure. She muttered something about "concern" and changed the subject. Concern my a**. At least credit our intelligence in being able to distinguish between someone who voices genuine concern and someone taking cheap pot-shots at a hardworking mom. A child's parents are the first line of concern...so before passing comments or judgments; give them the benefit of doubt that they are doing everything for their child. Don't you?
So, the other day, I'd just about reached the end of my rope when a playground mom commented on how thin my daughter is. This after following her around for no reason for some 15 minutes and setting the stage with some observations that she seems to have a temper, she is so talkative, etc etc. I personally believe its not necessary to be nice in situations like this. So when the "small and thin" topic began; I looked this woman in the eye and said,"yes, she's a small, skinny kid and is likely to remain a skinny kid; because, as you can see her mother is petite. Now my brother was one, and so was my sister-in-law. My brother grew up to become a strapping Merchant Marine who pulled 14 hr shifts in the freezing North Atlantic and in the equatorial heat. My SIL is slim and smart and a university topper. And yours truly, at five foot plus nothing, has climbed the Grand Canyon and Havasu Canyon with a 27-pound backpack, Mt. Healy in Alaska and hiked in the hottest place on Earth, Death Valley. And 2 eminent pediatricians have told me there's no reason to worry about my child; who is a normal, happy and active youngster, and SPECIFICALLY TO IGNORE SUCH COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU." Not the response the lady expected, I'm sure. She muttered something about "concern" and changed the subject. Concern my a**. At least credit our intelligence in being able to distinguish between someone who voices genuine concern and someone taking cheap pot-shots at a hardworking mom. A child's parents are the first line of concern...so before passing comments or judgments; give them the benefit of doubt that they are doing everything for their child. Don't you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/?single_page=true.